Alexandrov
Alexandrov and Petrooshki are a pair of curious inventors who find their home in the Siberian wastes. Though widely regarded as foolish, their moments of genius have proven indispensible to the Soviet Union. Physical Appearance Alexandrov and Petrooshki (If you can call them that) are two largeish, pale Russian men, with square-shaped jaws, and sky-blue eyes that shine with childlike wonder. Their hands are slender, and they may not appear strong at first, but both have developed a fine muscle tone from years of lifting and carrying equipment and machines of all sorts. They both wear dark pinstripe suits and big, goofy smiles whenever they can, but that's not necessarily all the time. One member of this duo, however, is a bit taller and a fair amount more muscular than the other, wearing a genuine ushanka opposed to the leaner fellow's bowler hat. The true identifying factor between the two is the deep gray backpack the larger one is never seen without, carrying the heavier machinery; while the leaner one carries a satchel of similar color, with the more delicate tools and trinkets inside. Weapons/Abilities Aside from their general inventing know-how, Alexandrov and Petrooshki have armed themselves with their finest inventions, designed to minimize use of resources without sacrificing power. The most iconic of these is the Wind-Up Tank, an easily portable miniature tank about twice the size and weight of the average go-kart. As its name implies, the device has no power source beyond its wind-up key in the back, but otherwise functions much like a regular tank: it has a small amount of explosive armaments, a solid cache of bullet ammunition, and is armored enough to get through most scraps of its time (Though it could easily get knocked over by sheer force). Other weapons kept in their storage are the Mini-Minigun, a belt-fed, pistol-sized minigun that fits in the palm of one's hand, but has all the same firepower (And all the same recoil) as its full-sized counterpart; and the Not-Knife, a simple metal handle that, when activated, projects the holographic image of a knife. This tool appears useless at first, but upon being passed through a victim, it carves their innards in twain while leaving the skin intact. It's effectively useless against any armor that's thick enough, but this added utility makes it ideal for quick, clean attacks at close range. The ultimate creation of these two, however, is known simply as the Soviet Tank. An indescribably large machine requiring only two men to operate, it is a fearsome sight to behold for many reasons: its power source is unknown (Even to them; they have forgotten) and unexploitable, its ammunition reserves know no bounds, and...it might be indestructible? No one is sure. Unfortunately, only two machines were ever created, both in prototypical phases. The first belongs to the USSR, and will until their collapse, and the second is buried somewhere within the A&P Workshop, under hundreds of failed knickknacks and doodads of all varieties. Personality Alexandrov and Petrooshki have a deep sense of nationalistic pride—the only problem with that is that their heads aren't screwed on quite right. Anything that personally appeals to them or is generally regarded as useful will eventually be called "superior" and "Russian," and everything else will eventually be called "inferior" and "American." This, along with the fact that neither can agree on what their names are (Each believing themselves to be Alexandrov), makes them widely regarded as fools, but they have their moments of brilliance. In spite of appearances, they spend a great deal of time thinking, and not just about machines—and their belief that Russia is the greatest is derived mostly from the fact it is a place where they can be respected. Backstory In many cases, the children of your parents' friend are not likely to be considered for best friend material. This was not the case in the lives of Alexandrov & Petrooshki. Living in the Soviet Union with the Communist revolution in full swing, finding comfort could be difficult for any worker, but the two young children found it in each other—so much so that their parents moved closer together so they could spend more time with each other. They marched around in their backyard, finding whatever they could and seeing what they could build out of it. Once, in the dead of winter, they spent two weeks building a snow fort that stood higher than their homes. This apparent knack for creation carried over to their academic life as well. Every teacher who ever met them was astounded at how anyone could possibly be so foolish and yet so brilliant at the same time—the boys struggled with basic forms of arithmetic, but when asked to solve physics equations, they did so with ease! They got their hands on some steel, and crafted little metal things during lectures that would promptly fly around the room and distract everyone, and consistently do something bizarre, fascinating, and yet incredibly impractical in their chemistry labs. Eventually, their antics caught the eye of the Soviet government, whom, struggling for technological advances, was willing to take what the boys could make. A mountain of government grants and a college education (Somehow) later, the A&P Workshop was created, and Alexandrov & Petrooshki were commissioned to work on machines for the government's military. Often times, their minds wandered, and their results were impractical, but when they created a winner, it won hard, and the deal was a success. After the Soviet Union won the Cold War, in no small part due to the creations of the A&P Workshop, the two had their names changed a number of times to "protect their identity" (Though eventually back to exactly what they were before), and were rewarded heavily for their work. Years have passed since then, and A&P Workshop still sits in the Soviet Union today, where the two friends tinker with whatever resources they please. These days, their machines have about a one-in-one-hundred chance of being useful, but when they are, everyone remembers why Alexandrov and Petrooshki are the most superior Russian inventors. Trivia/External Links Trivia Origin Oh, boy...this duo is a joke character caused by Chaos and Varogon's boring days in Literature class. A short story we read featured the short passage "Alexandrov & Petrooshki convenience store," reflecting a fear of that time period that soviets would take over the US, and for some reason or another we found this name combination to be the most hysterical thing in the world at the time. Some time in that same week, we had an opportunity for about two hours of spitballing, and everything about these two just fell into place. Category:Team Dean: The One-Man Army Category:Male Category:Varogons characters